Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving...and other nightmares.

Nah, Thanksgiving turned out great. I didn't have to host, and Karen is an awesome cook. She does not like travelling on holidays, and since I don't mind, she hosts more often than not. :D I took a salami/cheese/olive tray, with Ritz, a pumpkin cake, and the yams. She hates yams, and won't make them. I have a healthy dislike for the yams of my childhood, and only eat a bite or two. But Bill and the kids love them. I do think it is all in the preparation. But, Karen won't even taste them. No biggie, as I brought back an empty bowl anyway. It was good to see all five of her kids. With six of mine, and the grandparents and assorted spouses/SO's/and friends we had a houseful. I wish Brittany would have been there, but they went to Tyler's family's meal. No problem, but I missed her. Tyler is extremely shy, and big gatherings give him hives. :D

Nightmare one is this wedding. I couldn't sleep last night with the stress. My way of dealing with things I am not sure of is just to hide and pretend it doesn't exist. Not too good when things have to be done. But, I don't have the money for the things I need, and the wedding is two weeks from tomorrow. We are close, thanks to friends, but I will be so happy when this nightmare is over.

Nightmare two is Christmas. If I can't afford to get what I need for a wedding, how will I ever pay for gifts?

Nightmare 3 is the move we are facing. We were planning on renting Grandma's mobil home, since the doctor said she cannot live alone anymore, and Mom said the mobil would just stand empty. The original plan had been for us to move in with Grandma, and I take care of her. But, when she got so sick, and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, Mom decided that it was time for Grandma to move in with her permanantly, and rent the house to us. Grandma got better( she had a UTI which put her in the hospital, and the infection made her dementia worse) and was more coherent, and decided she wanted to live in her house. She is determined. So, common sense would tell you what?? that we would go back to plan A, and we move in and take care of Grandma?? Nothing has changed at our end, and we are still financially desperate. But, no, Mom instead said that Karen's youngest, Emily, would move in and take care of Grandma. WHAT??!! Emily is sixteen and has a home. Again, Pam's needs are just ignored. I hate to sound like the whiny victim, but really?? It is like TG last year, when Karen had to work at the last minute because someone ended up in the hospital, and I called mom and said we would just move it to my house, and she said No, she was going to Monica's and we weren't invited. Last minute, mind you, I was running to the store to buy TG dinner for Bill and I and the kids. And nursing hurt feelings for being thrown over like that.

A friend recently asked me if I was adopted, because I am so different in my thinking from my family's. If I didn't look just like the rest of them, I would wonder.

So, we are desperately looking for somewhere to live, cheaply. The big selling point with Grandma's is there would be no deposit. We would just start paying rent in January. This has just thrown a wrench in everything.

Nightmare 4. Kailey spending time with us. I guess she felt it okay to just let her hair down or something. She snapped early and often. By the time she left I was relieved. She kept putting inappropriate things on TV and then yelling at me that she is not 10 years old. No you are not, but I will not have Tosh.O, or the Kardashians on with Cameryn and Tyler watching. I think it is a respect issue, and she just doesn't care. She stole a few things out of my room again. She was demanding of everyone. Then, the topper, was she told Bill that she had told foster mom Sonia how she hates spaghetti, because as a kid we had it three or four times a week, and always just plain, no meat. Bill was angry. He told her that I hate spaghetti (always have) and he has to beg me for it, and the only way I can tolerate is to make a meat sauce, with three pounds of hamburger, and one pound of sausage. We went years without it because I hate it so much. So, she is trying to convince Bill that this made up memory is true, and Cory pipes in from the back seat saying he remembers it. Cory is the king of false memories. And they are never good. He never says "Hey, remember when Mom let us eat candy three meals a day for a week?? or the time Dad took us to Home Depot and let us climb in the rafters?? No, it always paints us in the worst light. Cory one time said "Remember when you broke a brush spanking me, Mom??" That was a story I had told Bill one time that happened to my brother, John, and Cory adopted it as his own. So, now I scarred them with spaghetti three or four times a week.

Sometimes, I just want to quit.

1 comment:

  1. (((Hugs)) I know the feeling sometimes. Nothing as radical as that - except nightmare #2 !!!

    So often in life, it seems that we really, really try to do what is right and take care of things - especially our kids - and things just don't work out the way they should. NO FAIR! It sometimes comforts me to think of poor Alma (I think it was Alma, Alma the Younger) who has been trying to teach the gospel to a bunch of people who just won't listen. He is going home so discouraged when an angel stops him and tells him that he is blessed and successful not because his work produced the results he hoped for but because he was obedient and did what the Lord asked. The success was not in the results, but in his obedience. Sometimes that helps me. But, couldn't we PLEASE have some results, too?!

    You are in my prayers. Wish I could help you with a place to live!! Your family must be crazy.