Brittany's wedding.

This is a nice one to start with. Obviously it is the kiss. It was such a beautiful ceremony.

Bishop Hughes was wonderful. Notice how Tyler is back some. He kept slowly edging backwards and Bishop Hughes called him on it.

Tyler as a flower girl. Brittany made the basket for her, and she loved walking up the aisle tossing rose petals.

I can't believe that my little girl is all grown up.

I think Bill looks very dashing in his new suit.

The Guys

Enos is saved!!

I couldn't do it. I told myself when the weekend came, Enos was being set free. And I couldn't do it. The only reason I was planning on dumping her was her eggs. I DO NOT want little bugs all over. Covered this in a previous post. So, I paid Cory to take the whole thing outside, put Enos in something and clean out the cage. Instead, as he was dipping the net to catch Enos, he hit the sac and it dropped right into the net. He tossed it out on the ground where Hunter obligingly stepped on it. Eww.

So, I don't have to throw a spoiled pet out into the elements. Relief. :D

4:00 am

I woke with a huge crick in my neck. My pillows were standing straight up, and my head was at an uncomfortable angle. I fixed it, and as I was dropping back to sleep, wedding stuff invaded my brain. The big one: Did we get a pianist?? Oh, my stars! How can we have a wedding with no one to play the prelude, or the processional. Do I know anyone who can do that at a moments notice?? How did something so important slip thru the cracks?? There is a scream echoing thru my head right now...

Sometime...this weekend..

So, here is Enos. And HER egg sac. Yikes. I didn't mind having a praying mantis on my desk, swiveling his head to watch me. I didn't mind hitting up Petco every few weeks for more live crickets to feed him. I did mind feeding him, and made the boys do it. :D But, when this egg sac appeared, and the vents on the top of the cage all the sudden looked huge and unable to hold back the deluge of baby mantes, and I pictured my house overrun with little green bugs, I MINDED.

The plan is to release Enos into the wild, also known as the backyard, one day this weekend. Yes, there is guilt. Have I made life too easy for this bug?? I was so thrilled when he grew from 3/4 of an inch to well over three inches long. It gives one a sense of fulfillment when your child/dog/cat/bug survive your care. He(she) is used to Manna from Heaven, or crickets dropped out of a plastic bag. Out in the yard will he be able to find food, and take care of himself?? I start to worry and get tempted to keep him, and then I see that huge, volkswagen sized egg sac, and my determination is back. Of course the sac has been there for a week now, so what am I waiting for?? I don't know.

Tomorrow is the big day!! (Does it say something about me and my priorities when I talk about bug guilt before my oldest daughter's wedding??) Brittany has put so much time and effort into this wedding. My friend reminded her that she was the bride...not the scullery maid. But, Brittany wanted things done just so...and I let her. :D I will post pics. I wanted to get pics of the set up today, but I just went to the church after getting Chan from school, and forgot the camera at home. Tomorrow I will not forget it.

I can't get it out of my head.

My child screaming in terror. The replay woke me up at three am today. Not the fun terror scream that she does on Tower of Terror, but the blood chilling scream of her thinking her life is ending. It is horrible. It is a snapshot of a moment I think will take me a long time to stop replaying over and over.

For lunch yesterday, we both wanted the leftover chicken thighs. There were only four left in the bag, perfect for two of us. These are my favorite boneless skinless thighs. The oh so versatile ones. Yum. I heated the pan, sprayed the nonstick spray, and Reba started to sing. Who would be calling at lunchtime?? With five kids....LOL. So, without thinking, I went to the desk to answer it. I came back, and the pan was smoking. Here is where I totally act like an idiot. Or maybe it was leaving the pan to heat while I left the room?? Anyway, pan smoking, and instead of turning it off to cool down, I throw the fatty, frozen thighs right in. And yep, they went up in flames. Since there was a heat source, lots of fat, and plenty of oxygen in the room, the flames were well fed. Ugh. I almost panicked, and was looking for water to douse it with. Thank goodness for the love of my Heavenly Father, for almost immediately, I saw replayed in my mind, a PSA on grease fires. I saw the fire go across the ceiling, and burn the whole kitchen down. Scary. So, instead I looked for the lid to the pan, to suffocate the fire. In my quick search, I couldn't find it, but I found the cookie sheet and threw it on the pan. Success. Iam not a clear thinker in stressful situations, so I am grateful I was not alone, and I felt the calming love He has for me.

Meanwhile, during all this (which I guess lasted a good 10 seconds or so) Tyler is in the corner of the kitchen, with her hands over her face, and just screaming. It was so heartwrenching. As soon as it was safe, I grabbed her up and we went into the living room. She was shaking she was so scared.

But, I keep seeing her in that corner, in abject terror. My poor baby.

Thanksgiving...and other nightmares.

Nah, Thanksgiving turned out great. I didn't have to host, and Karen is an awesome cook. She does not like travelling on holidays, and since I don't mind, she hosts more often than not. :D I took a salami/cheese/olive tray, with Ritz, a pumpkin cake, and the yams. She hates yams, and won't make them. I have a healthy dislike for the yams of my childhood, and only eat a bite or two. But Bill and the kids love them. I do think it is all in the preparation. But, Karen won't even taste them. No biggie, as I brought back an empty bowl anyway. It was good to see all five of her kids. With six of mine, and the grandparents and assorted spouses/SO's/and friends we had a houseful. I wish Brittany would have been there, but they went to Tyler's family's meal. No problem, but I missed her. Tyler is extremely shy, and big gatherings give him hives. :D

Nightmare one is this wedding. I couldn't sleep last night with the stress. My way of dealing with things I am not sure of is just to hide and pretend it doesn't exist. Not too good when things have to be done. But, I don't have the money for the things I need, and the wedding is two weeks from tomorrow. We are close, thanks to friends, but I will be so happy when this nightmare is over.

Nightmare two is Christmas. If I can't afford to get what I need for a wedding, how will I ever pay for gifts?

Nightmare 3 is the move we are facing. We were planning on renting Grandma's mobil home, since the doctor said she cannot live alone anymore, and Mom said the mobil would just stand empty. The original plan had been for us to move in with Grandma, and I take care of her. But, when she got so sick, and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, Mom decided that it was time for Grandma to move in with her permanantly, and rent the house to us. Grandma got better( she had a UTI which put her in the hospital, and the infection made her dementia worse) and was more coherent, and decided she wanted to live in her house. She is determined. So, common sense would tell you what?? that we would go back to plan A, and we move in and take care of Grandma?? Nothing has changed at our end, and we are still financially desperate. But, no, Mom instead said that Karen's youngest, Emily, would move in and take care of Grandma. WHAT??!! Emily is sixteen and has a home. Again, Pam's needs are just ignored. I hate to sound like the whiny victim, but really?? It is like TG last year, when Karen had to work at the last minute because someone ended up in the hospital, and I called mom and said we would just move it to my house, and she said No, she was going to Monica's and we weren't invited. Last minute, mind you, I was running to the store to buy TG dinner for Bill and I and the kids. And nursing hurt feelings for being thrown over like that.

A friend recently asked me if I was adopted, because I am so different in my thinking from my family's. If I didn't look just like the rest of them, I would wonder.

So, we are desperately looking for somewhere to live, cheaply. The big selling point with Grandma's is there would be no deposit. We would just start paying rent in January. This has just thrown a wrench in everything.

Nightmare 4. Kailey spending time with us. I guess she felt it okay to just let her hair down or something. She snapped early and often. By the time she left I was relieved. She kept putting inappropriate things on TV and then yelling at me that she is not 10 years old. No you are not, but I will not have Tosh.O, or the Kardashians on with Cameryn and Tyler watching. I think it is a respect issue, and she just doesn't care. She stole a few things out of my room again. She was demanding of everyone. Then, the topper, was she told Bill that she had told foster mom Sonia how she hates spaghetti, because as a kid we had it three or four times a week, and always just plain, no meat. Bill was angry. He told her that I hate spaghetti (always have) and he has to beg me for it, and the only way I can tolerate is to make a meat sauce, with three pounds of hamburger, and one pound of sausage. We went years without it because I hate it so much. So, she is trying to convince Bill that this made up memory is true, and Cory pipes in from the back seat saying he remembers it. Cory is the king of false memories. And they are never good. He never says "Hey, remember when Mom let us eat candy three meals a day for a week?? or the time Dad took us to Home Depot and let us climb in the rafters?? No, it always paints us in the worst light. Cory one time said "Remember when you broke a brush spanking me, Mom??" That was a story I had told Bill one time that happened to my brother, John, and Cory adopted it as his own. So, now I scarred them with spaghetti three or four times a week.

Sometimes, I just want to quit.

Whatever you do...don't ask if it can get worse!

You'd think I would know this by now. :D Obviously not. Things are rough in the Pacheco house right now. You have heard that they are staying most foreclosures because the banks weren't letting struggling homeowners know that they might be eligible to refinance their loans. So, while they look into this, repos will stop for a period of 60-90 days. This actually means closer to six months. For those who are struggling to make their mortgage payments in this economy this is excellent news! But, for those of us who make our living off remodeling repos so the banks can sell them, it is staggering news. Things are already sluggish, and this makes it worse.

But, before things grind to a halt, the banks are pushing thru twice as many. Bill is hopping and it is false hope to think it will last. We have arrangements made in the event we have to move (which it is seriously looking that way). We hope to catch up, and maybe get a little ahead before work stops.

So, last Thursday, we went to a job in Colton. On our way home, the transmission gave up the ghost. We are flying along, and all the sudden the accelerator is useless. There is nothing. We pull over to the side of the road, and wonder what to do now?? It has been a long time since we have been stranded on the highway. We call my parents, who call Triple A, and we get us and the car home. But, now, Bill needs to use my car to go to work, leaving me with nothing. We are so broke right now that we are thinking of maybe just calling the junk man to come get Bill's car. But, it has a dang good engine, and I hate losing it, so maybe we will park it, and fix it in a few months.

The problem with this is: we live in a semi rural town. I have four kids going to four different schools. I spend an hour and a half each day doing pickups, and that is just three of them. Cameryn walks with the neighbor to the middle school which is just a few blocks away. Chandler goes across town to Temescal, Hunter at Lakeside, and Tyler up at Rice Canyon. So, this week, I have scrambled to find rides for the kids. Chandler was my biggest worry. There is no way for him to get home except to get a ride. There are two ways home, and both are really dangerous. A mixup at the school yesterday had him trying to walk home, and Mindy found him at the corner of Riverside and Collier, no crosswalks or anything, and him stressing trying to figure out how to cross. I am so grateful for friends who have helped me this week.

Meanwhile, I asked Mom if I could borrow Grandma's van for a few weeks until we could fix the Pathfinder. Grandma can no longer drive, and the van is used as backup when my mom doesn't want to put the miles on her car. She said due to family drama the last time I rented it, she couldn't let me take it again. I was alittle hurt, as I am desperate and would never ask otherwise. Plus, I have bent over backwards to help my grandparents in the last five years, and never asked for anything in return. Not really fair to pull that card, as we do service out of love, not for what we can gain, but as I said, I was hurt. Did I mention I was also desperate?? So, Grandma came back and said she would pay either for the Pathfinder to be fixed, or another pickup for Bill to have. We could pay her back later. I was so relieved by this, I almost cried. So, the Pathfinder will be ready today, or early tomorrow. I am so glad.

So, we go to an open house at the Bishop's house Saturday night, and while there, I mention to a friend "It can't get any worse!" Yeah, never say that. We got home that night, and as we were getting ready for bed, I slipped on the stairs and twisted my ankle. The pain was incredible, and my yelling brought the whole family. How embarrassing. I laid there until the pain subsided, and crawled to the couch where I have been since. It is doing a lot better, but I still can't walk on it, and I really doubt I can drive. So, my goal is to be self sufficient by Monday. Bill is not to confident with this goal, as he has seen me hobble around. It is odd that my balance is all the sudden really bad, and I have fallen on the crutches a few times. Luckily, I have been by the couch each time and just plop down. I had a blessing last night, so I hope I am better soon.

a job

I have been looking for some sort of work for a while now. Something that can bring in a little extra income to take some of the pressure off Bill. I have worked for him, stripping the masking out of houses when they are done painting, but that just saves him a few dollars...doesn't really bring anything in. I have tried selling stuff on Craig'slist, to what my kids would call an 'epic fail'. I even put it out there that I would do daycare again. In this economy, finding an income is rough.

So, being the RS Secretary, most mass emails go thru me. I was sent one that was looking for someone to work part time, flexible hours. I read it, noticed it said good eyesight, and got it ready to send out to the ward. A few days later, RS President calls and asked if I applied for the job. Uh, no....I am sure there is someone in the ward more desperate than me. She said So What. They have had three days, call him and see if the job is still available. So I did...and it was. I had a job. Bill was over the moon. Anything I can do to relieve some of his burden, and make him that happy, I will. :D

So, I started work last week. I work in a shop where we put together electronic kits for schools. Resistor pins, circuit boards, speakers, wired buttons, the like. With it, kids can make all sorts of interesting stuff. From the common crystal radio, to the unique lie detector and burglar alarm. We assemble these kits, and ship them all over. There is enough variety that I don't get bored, but not enough to overwhelm me. At my age, I need all the help I can get. :D

THere has been a kid working there, alone, for the last few months. He was behind on jobs, and spending long hours, alone, assembling kits. Alone. I would go crazy. Within the first week, we were caught up. While this is great for business, it does not bode well for my hours. I kinda shot myself in the foot. The secretary called me Wednesday, and basically laid me off (yes, after eight days). To say I was upset is an understatement. Worse, how would I tell Bill?? She said she would call each day to let me know of work. Not what I was hoping for. By the time she calls, I lose an hour. I have to get off by two to get kids. Starting at nine was great. She calls by 9:45, and I can be there by 10. Ugh.

So, I am thinking I am off yesterday, the first day of my lay off. Nope, she calls. A customer called her, angry, because she ordered 250 kits back in August, and they never came. Most orders are 30 pieces. 250 is a huge order. So, we hustled.....and did 150, plus the rest of the orders that came in. If I work today, I will help with the other 100. If not, Kid is on his own, and it won't get out til Monday at least. I am thinking she will call today. :D

three months...and counting

The wedding is in three months. Yikes. We have the building locked down, and the bishop has promised not to go anywhere that weekend. We have a second choice, just in case the same thing that happened to Bill and I doesn't happen again. Our bishop's mom died days before our wedding leaving us scrambling at the last minute for someone. LOL. Some guy I had never seen before, or since, married us. Our second choice was just released as bishop, so I am not sure he can even do a wedding...anyone know??

The wedding is at 10 am. We are inviting 75 people. Brittany only wants certain cousins. I am stepping out of that one. We are having a brunch/luncheon. For some reason, Britt wants quiche. She hates eggs, yet knows this is an egg pie. ?? Tyler has never had it either. Why try something out on your wedding meal?? So, I enlisted the help of the RS. We will make chicken salad for croissants, and egg casseroles with fruit and muffins to round it out. I guess there is a sister in the ward who makes a wonderful quiche, so I will have her make one just for Brittany and Tyler. The rest of us can eat everything else. Bill thinks this is rude, but I don't. You only (hopefully) get married once, and it is their day. Anyone have an issue, deal with it. :D

Speaking of issues....Tyler's mom refuses to come to the wedding, and wants us to put on a second ceremony just for her. Um, no. She does not want to be there with Tyler's dad. I think it is her guilt speaking for she cheated on him, and then left with her boyfriend while he was trying to deal with the cheating. He is very pleasant, and only wished the best for her. Why she is causing drama is beyond me. I told Brittany that if her future FIL was abusive or something, then I could see it. So, she either comes, or she doesn't. But she will miss the opportunity to see her only son married. I don't get the mindset that would think that was okay.

Also, neither Tyler nor Brittany have a job. Ugh. Bill and I are picking up most of the tab. I am so glad the church, and the bishop are free. With the RS help on food, that is a big deal too. But, what about her dress?? The bridesmaids dresses?? They should pay themselves, but Kailey and Cameryn are both bridesmaids. The boys need black pants, black shirts and red ties. If I have the money, I need a dress too. Maybe I can salvage my black skirt (the one I lost weight, and can't wear anymore) and buy a red blouse.

I just see the dollar signs clicking. I want to contact Tyler's mom and ask if she can do anything to help financially. Is that tacky?? Her daughter, Ty's sister, is a bridesmaid, too.

On top of the Cory stress, the Kailey stress, normal everyday stresses of a big family, and a floundering business, I have wedding stresses. Can you just run to Vegas like everyone else?? LOL. Aunt Michele knows a great Elvis impersonator who will marry you....just a thought.

A Laurel and Hardy experience

Service is so ingrained, that when the opportunity arises, you don't even think of it as service til later. Someone needs help, and you do what you can to help. Simple, yes?? sometimes. LOL.

Back story: I have been sick all week. I am feeling better, but I have a raspy hacking cough. I took supplies to alleviate any coughing spells I might have. Armed with water, dayquil, and hard candies, I thought I took sufficient precautions to be quiet in Sacrament Meeting. I wish I had remembered to turn my phone off... I wanted to stay home, but felt really strong I should go.

During Sunday School I remembered that I had forgotten the attendance binders at home. I debated running home (15 minutes each way) or send Bill. I sent Bill. He should have been back right about the time RS started, and no one would have been the wiser. Yeah. It sounds good in theory. I was pacing, not daring to go in unless I had them. Yes, I know, one week without checking the little box is not going to mess up my numbers. Waiting....waiting....where could he be?? I went in finally without them. Confessed during opening song that I did not have them. Soon I heard my name really loudly whispered. LOL. I have a guess who that was, and turned to see Bill at the door. Finally. I went out, got the binders, and ran the one to Primary. On my way back the other way, Ellen came out of the RS room. Leaving is so not like her, and as she has been looking frail lately, I was immediately worried. I asked her what was wrong, and she gasped out that she was out of air, and was heading to the church phone to call her husband. We still have those?? I thought they took them all out at the hands of the deacons, and since cell phones were so prevalent. I told her Bill was up the hall, she could sit down, and we would use his phone to call her husband to come get her.

I find Bill, and hand Ellen the phone. Here is where I really drop the ball. I walk away...AWAY from a lady gasping for air, and who has never used a cell phone. Can you top THAT idiocy?? By this time Ellen is a gray/green color, and we decide to drive her home rather than waiting for husband to get there, and taking double the time. I am thinking every moment is precious at this point. We probably should have just called 911. Duh.

Our car is dirty. When isn't it?? Five kids, all their stuff. I keep thinking I need to clean it, so hop up in there Ellen. Ugh. We get her in, and of course, our A/C hasn't worked in months. The car is hot, airless, and I am loading her walker in the other side. She is gasping for the window to be rolled down, and I told Bill to drive so we can get some air in her face. I am so scared. Oh, during all this, she is upset she has lost her hymnal with her name in it. She needs it this week as she is planning her funeral, and wants to make sure John G has the songs he needs. What??!!! I hurriedly asked the Bishop if we might steal/borrow one, so she doesn't get agitated about it.

On the way I tried to call her husband, only to find out that between Wells Fargo calling during Sacrament Meeting, and now, T-Mobil has suspended our service. Really?? I call 611 and go thru the automated steps to pay the bill and get service. It is imperitive we get a hold of her husband, Bob, because he has the clicker to open the gate. Service on, call again, no answer from Bob. We pull up in front of her house, I am in a panic, and it is locked up like Fort Knox, and she says No wonder!! Bob is not home!! Gate clicker is in house. I am looking to see how possible scaling her fence would be when she says the walk in gate is unlocked. Her yard looks like the White house lawn at this point, and I honestly can't see how she is going to walk up to the house. She tells me that the car would fit thru the walk in gate so I jump out to open it. Bill drives in, across her grass, and up to the front door. She is worried about getting her stuff out of our car, and I am more concerned getting her in the house and hooked up to her perma tank. NOW. We finally get in and she gets her nebula in, and I can finally breathe myself. By this point she is shaking and I make her sit down by me.As her color comes back, she stops shaking, and it is Ellen again. I wanted to cry in relief.

I am grateful we were able to help. I am sure someone else would not have had the issues that we did. LOL. But, at the end of the day, Ellen is okay, and I hope she will be around for a long time. I love that lady, with her sharp wit, and her gentle spirit.

Drama....again..

Sometimes I feel as I am not learning what I should be learning, so I go thru the same trials over and over. And over. Maybe this time it really wasn't me, as Bill keeps trying to convince me of.

Kailey has always been my most difficult child. She has confessed a few times that she really wishes she were an only child...or at least the oldest, or if she has to, the youngest. But #3 out of 7 just sucks for her. Well, since I didn't plan it that way, and I honestly did not set out to ruin her life, I just basically ignored her complaints. She has always had a short temper, and flinging hurtful insults to me, or her dad, or the other kids just never seemed to bother her.

We took her phone away last month as I was tired of her being so snotty to me over everything. This is the only way to get any results out of her and we usually enjoy a few weeks of pleasant behavior in exchange for her phone back. This time, it didn't happen that way. She asked for it, cried for it, demanded it, and tried guilt tactics with me. You'll be happy to hear I was not swayed by any of it and kept reminding her that all it took to get her phone back was to be respectful, and helpful. She accused me of expecting perfection, and I told her a phone is a privilige, not a right. She also thought what I asked was too much, and wanted me to lower the bar. A few times she yelled that to get respect you must give it. I honestly don't know how she figured we weren't respecting her. So, no effort was made to give it back, and I got to a point where I didn't care. I started counting the days til she was 18 and I could demand she conform or find somewhere else to live. Sad, eh?

Last Wednesday (two weeks tomorrow) we went to Disneyland, and decided to rent a hotel room and stay til Thursday. We rented a suite that sleeps 8 and got all we needed together. At the last minute, Kailey decided she didn't want to go with us. This was fine with me as we were still dealing with her bad attitude, and more fun would be had if we didn't have to walk over eggshells the whole trip. We had a good two days, with only one call saying 1) she regretted not coming and could we come get her (no.)and she accidently dialed 911 and the cops came to the door. Nice.

So, we get home and the first thing we notice is she had busted our bedroom door in. She blamed the dog. But, the inner workings of the knob were bent, attesting to her repeated kicks to get in. We had nothing in there but our personal things. We don't keep money in the house. I noticed my shampoo missing. She has been demanding decent shampoo and I don't feel the need to buy her anything but Suave since she refuses to help, or to be nice. I had bought myself some Pantene, and hid it in a Suave bottle, and the extra hid under my sink behind stuff. She found it and took it. I went into her room, and asked for it back. She got all indignant that I had lied to her. Oh, no!! I LIED!! I told her I didn't have a choice, because if you had known you would have taken it JUST LIKE YOU DID. Imagine that. She started yelling about the whole thing and I didn't give it the attention she felt it deserved. I told her to knock it off, that I didn't want to hear it. She then yelled "I hate YOU!! I hate living here!! I hate everyone in this house!!!" I said then "There is the door" By this time I had had it. I lost my temper, and I regret saying that.

She marched down the stairs yelling, and I told her to get some shoes on. At this point she wasn't going to listen to anything I said and left barefoot. She walked to her friends house two miles away. That is true stubbornness.

This was Friday afternoon, and I knew friend's mother would not let her stay long. We expected her to come home Sunday morning, while we were in church. Bill stayed home, just in case, and sure enough she showed up. He tried to talk to her, but she was still in a mood and refused to acknowledge anything he said. She left, and showed up later that night, with her BFF from Riverside in tow. She had called her and said I busted in during her shower and demanded she get her stuff and get out, out of nowhere. Really?? But it got what she wanted. She has wanted to live with this family for years, and has asked repeatedly, to the mom saying no. She even asked when we moved down here last year, and the mom told her she was too much trouble. What happened in a year to change her mind?? When we talked to the mom, she said that she couldn't bear the thought of Kailey out on the street. Um, we never kicked her out. I was mad over her total disrespect, but she still has a home.

Kailey still refuses to talk to us. She is wearing her righteous indignation like a cloak and has gone around our old ward telling everyone what lousy parents we are. BTDT. I am upset again, just like last year when ex friend thought she could do better with Kailey than I could, and it degenerated into hatred and name calling in five weeks. Now, BFF's mom thinks she can save Kailey. Save her from what?? A life of indulgence and no chores?? Oh, please. Give it your best shot, I am betting you will kick her out once the honeymoon is over. That is why I made sure she knew that Kailey still has a home here. Things will be different, but she has a home.

Which leads me to a pet peeve of mine. NO adult should ever interfere with parents and their child if child is safe, and not in any danger. It is not your business how I deal with my disrespectful, spoiled daughter. Pet peeve #2 Our family distress is not for you to tell everyone you see. I did not appreciate your eight year old telling me he knew Kailey ran away, and was never coming home. She did not 'run away', she moved out.

Back to the world of the literate.

For a while I couldn't type, so I was essentially illiterate?? Reminds me of the joke I haven't used in forever whenever someone in a teaching capacity would ask me to read aloud to the class and I would respond by insisting I couldn't as I was illigitimate. I am sure my mom would not get the joke. :D

Anyway, new tower and new keyboard. Costco has such great deals. I love it. I also love that Costco is so close. In Riverside, the Costco was in Corona, and you had to wade thru some of the worst traffic on McKinley that you will find in the IE. And, me being very advanced in years, remember when McKinley ended at the freeway, and it was a cow farm. All that was there at the 91 and McKinley was the Shell station. Now I swear millions feed thru there daily. Really.

Anyway, back to my topic....uh....what was my topic?? LOL. Just typing by the seat of my pants again.

Brittany's wedding is four months away. I haven't done anything yet. But, so far, I am only in charge of the luncheon. I can do this. RS President Melissa has already offered the RS help. Not that they know that yet. It is nice to have a calling where everyone knows you, and may want to help. I am getting nervous for the day though, and hoping it goes off smoothly. Crossing my fingers, toes, eyes, and the street it goes well.

We went to the temple the other day to celebrate Arik's 17th birthday, and to have his work started. We can't have him sealed to my parents until Dad comes back to the temple or he passes. My mom has already painfully extracted a promise that if she goes first, I will make sure it happens. Anyway, we went to do his endowments. The neat thing, and I know I have already touched on this, is Bill blessed him when he was adopted at three. Bill confirmed him a member after (ex) Uncle Scott baptized him. Bill ordained him a deacon, and a teacher. Bill then dedicated his grave, and now has gone thru the temple for him. Mom and I planned this back in March, as the one year requisite wait was over in mid January. Work was slow, so we said this friday, next friday, how about the following wednesday. We finally nailed something down in June. We are fast movers, can you tell?? In June, Bill had a huge county job that we had prayed for, and he had to do...but again, the temple was pushed back. During this time, Bill was not feeling too worthy to be the one to do Arik's work. He had had resentful feelings and now was feeling guilty that Arik would not appreciate Bill's efforts, and would possibly prefer someone else altogether to do the ordinances. So he didn't really make any effort to help us when we were trying to nail down a date to go. I finally told Mom that since August 20th was just around the corner, let's etch it in stone, and no backing out unless someone came down with the plague, or moved to Utah or something impossible like that. As the day got closer, and I tried making arrangements for kids who had started school the week before, I had no idea Bill was feeling this way.

I am not sure how much of this story to tell, as I have not told my mom any of it yet. She needs to hear it, but it needs to be told carefully, and I will explain in a bit.

So, it all barely works out, and we head to San Diego before the sun on Friday. I forgot to remind Bill about the first ordinance he needed to do for Arik. He went in and got dressed, and sat to wait for us. We were going in the nine oclock session, and he was dressed and ready to go by 7:45 and waiting in the session lobby for us. Meanwhile, we are doing initiatories, and watching the time so we are not late. Bill is reflecting on his life, Arik's life, and how they intersected, and things he may have done differently. Let me say, Bill is a good man, and kids just seem to really like him, and Arik was no different. Bill included him every chance he got. He knew what it felt like to be the only kid, and Arik loved going on our outings with us. I honestly feel Bill had NOTHING to feel regret for, but he felt he did. While sitting there, he was overwhelmed with missing Arik, and the love he has for him. And he got the all encompassing feeling of love from Arik. He knew he was there, and he started to cry. My big bear of a husband is actually quite tender. He looked up, and Arik was standing there, smiling his trademark goofy grin. Right about this time he remembered the forgotten ordinances, but got the strong feeling it was okay, and he could stay with Arik. He said it lasted about five minutes before Arik left. Bill was so grateful for such a wonderful experience.

He wants Mom to know, but we are working on a way to tell her. My aunt, and my mom's younger sister, Sharon, lost her son to an overdose when he was 24. I think in 2006. Yeah, had to be since he was born in 1982. Anyway, he has come to see her a few times, and she kinda makes a big deal out of it and makes my mom feel like Arik doesn't love her as much as Adrian loves his mom. Everything is a competition with her. So, to tell my mom that Arik came to Bill is a really touchy subject. So, if you see Mom, keep it mum til Bill can tell her.

Playing the waiting game

I should be playing the typing game, as my typing on this netbook is atrocious. It is an excuse to say the keyboard is smaller than I am used to, and my fat fingers have difficulty not hitting two or three at a time. Anyway.

A month or so ago I mentioned we had a job offer out of San Diego, and we might possibly relocate already. After being in our last town 22 years, it is hard to comprehend. But, as much as I like Lake Elsinore, the thought of moving has interesting possibilities.

Last month, out of the blue, an old acquaintance of Bill's called. He actually called me looking for Bill. It was fun to talk to him as I had been friends with his mother. He then calls Bill saying he needs Bill to work for him as he is swamped. He has hired a few guys, but none could be left alone just to do the work. Many had skipped out, or ruined work, and he needed someone he could trust. Bill had convinced his boss to hire Eric 15 years ago when he desperately needed a job, and he now wanted to return the favor. BUT, he lives and works out of San Diego, and while we toyed with it for a few days, Bill decided that this kid had gotten in over his head, and was having difficulty financing his jobs. Believe me, after the last 6 months, I totally understand and did not want to get into a position where we couldn't finance them either. So, we passed it up and decided to stay here.

Bill has been struggling with his own work. The repo houses slowed to three every two weeks. After five or six, this was hard. I have already mentioned the difficulties we have faced after financing a job, and then waiting 11-12 weeks for payment. In the last few weeks, houses have picked up again, the county has called for more bids, and things are looking up again.

And Eric calls again. He is swamped. Overloaded. And one of the worst things you can do as a contractor is turn away work. Especially in this economy. Is there any way Bill could come help?? Bill doesn't want the commute. We are about 75 miles north of San Diego. If he helps, it is because we move down that way. But, he would then have to give up the repos as they are all north of us. We can barely do Palm Springs now, and from SD it would be next to impossible.

Bill would be willing to commute for county jobs, but right now we are only getting one or two a month. If it breaks open like we are hoping, it will be a long commute. I really don't know which is best, and our prayers haven't led us anywhere yet.

So, we wait and see. All it will take is just a little positive, and we will move. Bill was raised in Oceanside, and has wanted to go back since we weremarried. We are actually looking to live in Vista. Not as close to the beach, but not as expensive either.

At least you didn't have any tough ones: Part II

Good grief! It is amazing what one little, clueless comment will unleash. LOL. Cory called yesterday, with some good/frustrating news. Set Bill off. Set him off so much that it has been years since I have seen him THAT frustrated. It has also been years since Cory lived with us. Coincidence?? I think not.

A little background. I was raised in a family where ADD/ADHD was prevelant. I had it, my brother REALLY has it, a few cousins, my aunt, my beloved Opa, you get the idea. And Cory. Actually, I am amazed that out of my seven kids, only one got it. Maybe we are finally diluting this gift that makes our get togethers quite unique and I am sure frustrating for those few family members not afflicted.

When Cory was getting ready to be released from the group home(Yes, ADD {no way could we EVER accuse Cory of the hyper part} played a big part in why he was arrested) his probation officer and Bill and I had many meetings over what to do. Job Corps was deemed his best shot, and the application process began.This was in December of 08, six months before Cory's release. I don't remember the specifics, but there were a lot of interviews, paperwork, days spent waiting in a tiny waiting room wiht the sick neighbor's baby with no a/c or even a tv to pass the time, and more waiting.....waiting.....waiting...Finally we were told he got in, and it would be March or April of this year he would go.

And then nothing. Bill would ask Cory about it, and Cory would shrug. "I haven't heard." Finally, a staff member from the group home called me and said Job Corp was looking for Cory. He had NEVER updated his contact info, so they couldn't find him. So, we made Cory call, and he had to leave a message. "This is Cory, and my new number is xxx-xxxx". Bill is frantically signalling him to leave his area code. He is baffled. They know where I live. It doesn't matter!! They need your area code! So, he promises Bill he will call back and leave his full number the next day. He didn't want to look like an idiot calling right back. I told Bill he should have told me this was going on, because I am not as nice during these moments, and I would have MADE him call back immediately and run the risk of looking like an idiot.

So, yesterday he calls me. Usually when he has news, he calls Bill first, then me. I wondered for a minute, then paid attention to what he was saying. That whole ADD thing...focus is not automatic. He says he finally got a hold of Job Corps, and they gave away his bed. Apparently they had still been calling staff member, but because he was over 18, and she was no longer his guardian, they wouldn't tell her anything. And Cory did NOT make much of an effort to call them. No matter what he says.

So, because it was a misunderstanding (snort), they have him slated to receive a bed in August. So there is good news. Hopefully by the time he finishes the program, the economy will have picked up enough and there will be jobs to be had.

At least you didn't have any tough ones!

Our 20 yr old son comes to visit at least every other Saturday. We don't do much, but today we bought the new GreenDay Rock Band. The day was spent perfecting their gig, and opening locked songs.

On the way to take him to the bus stop, he mentioned the oldest daughter of the people he is living with. "Mom, when Brooke was four or five, she used to hold her breath and turn blue when she didn't get her way. At least you didn't have any tough ones!" It took a minute for me to realize just what he said.

No, Cory, you weren't tough. It was fun when you were two and would do the SAME thing! You would get mad, and throw yourself to the floor, and refuse to breathe. The first two or three times I thought for sure you were having a seizure. I took you to the pedi, who after asking what brought on these episodes, told me you were throwing temper fits. A couple times of me walking away and you stopped.

It was not tough when I put you down for a nap, ran across the complex to the laundry room, only to find you had followed me. Luckily, someone had propped the pool gate open, and you being unafraid of water ran in. I didn't have my pool key with me, since I was doing laundry, and had no way in once you slammed the gate. I managed to coax you to the gate, where I grabbed your wrist and wouldn't let go. Then I yelled for help. If you had slipped away, you would have drowned that day.

Or the time we got up in the morning to find my butcher knife out of its locked drawer and stabbed into a block of cheese. Or the time you dumped a whole container of baby powder on Baby Kailey's head. Or the time we were moving into a new house, and had the microwave cord across the stove and you turned on the burners and set it on fire. And while in the corner for that one you took a marker to the freshly painted wall.

Or, when we were finally in a house with a back yard, and you climbed up on the a/c unit and jumped to the six ft block wall, and scaled it then ran around to knock on the front door with a huge smile on your face. So I put you in time out in your room, and you knocked out the screen and ran around to the front door again.

Then when you were four.......

It is a wonder we went on to have five more kids.

Having seven kids has always been a challenge. Emotionally, physically, and financially. Don't even ask about my food bill. I knew by the time I was ten that I wanted a lot of kids and had settled on around 12 by the time I was sixteen. Well, 12 wasn't in the cards (thank goodness. I am barely holding on to my sanity as it is), and we were lucky and truly blessed to have seven. My health just couldn't take it.

To help with the financial part, I have done daycare off and on for years. A lifetime it seems as I started before I had ever met Bill. I was the girl in the ward who everyone called to stay with their kids while they went to Vegas for the weekend, or a week long cruise to Mexico. I learned early on how to deal with many different types of personalities and discipline styles.

When Bill was laid off last year, my daycare job (and his unemployment checks) saved us. I had three little girls, that are 2, 3, and 6. They fit into our family, and after a few bumps along the way, life was easy. A few times I kept them overnight, once even taking them to church. Yikes. We ended up having to move, and regretfully I gave my notice. I was heartbroken. They had become like my kids. Having them 70 hours a week quickly solidified a relationship.

Now we live 30 miles south of where we used to be, but we are 10 minutes from the girls grandmother. How convenient! We still see the girls on a regular basis. In fact, they are staying with us tonight as their dad recuperates from surgery this morning. How fun it has been. I love the affection, and the kisses. The two year old, Lillia, yells often " Mommy!! Wheda you??!" Three year old Mari loves to snuggle and tease. "No, Pom, it is MY neck!" as I tickle it. Then she giggles and begs for more. She just barely stopped calling me Mom. Six yr old Adrianne is Tyler's BFF and it is so cute to see them together. Especially since there was a time they hated each other, and I never thought they would get along. They do fabulously now. I love these girls so much, and I am grateful their parents still have a need for me, and allow me to be in their lives.

And THIS is how you do things??

I am frustrated. Majorly. I really hate to admit it, but a lot of my moods are determined by our current financial status. I can be content and happy in good weeks, and not want to get out of bed in others.

Construction was the hardest hit when the economy tanked. Bill lost his 22 year job two years ago exactly. We are still struggling to recover. After one year on unemployment, and doing all he could to get his license, Bill opened his business last May. What were we thinking?? Besides the five kids who were used to three meals a day, and a roof over their head of course. Starting a painting business has been tough. We keep hoping this will be the month that some county work comes in. This will be the month that we get more than one repo house a week. Don't even get me started on the crooks that run the repo business. LDS Mi..ami.

So, the end of March, Bill did a job for the county of SB. Two jobs, bid together, paid together. One was an office. The other was painting highway like lanes on a warehouse floor so the forklift drivers would stop running into the walls and each other. Really. I am serious. The county pays invoices at the end of the month, with checks sent out by the fifth. So, we turned in the invoice the 5th of April, with a paydate of May 5th. Right?? Seems easy enough. Yeah. STILL HAS NOT ARRIVED. May was tough, and I told the landlady that when this check came, I would send her rent. We finally had to pay rent a week ago, using money that was supposed to go for insurances and payroll. We squeaked payroll, don't ask me how, and now we have another week til payday again. Car pymt due, auto insurance due, and I ran to the electric company yesterday and just beat the turn off. June 2nd, on a job done in March. How do they expect ANYONE to survive that way??

Okay, I wanted the picture of Tyler and Brittany down here. Ugh. I am so illiterate in some respects. LOL. This is the picture we want to put on their invitation. I like it. I love the rosetree in front of them, I love the tiki torch in the background. And, I begged Tyler to smile. Yeah, that is what he thinks of me, eh??

Since losing my computer, and relying solely on the netbook, I have not blogged. The keyboard on the netbook is small, and I find myself hunting and pecking rather than typing. Totally frustrating. :D

Things are bumping and lurching along still. Some months we do really well, and I think we may make a serious go at this...and other months (like now) we struggle, and I worry and stress if we are doing the right thing. At this point, we have no choice, as we have put everything into this company and it is sink or swim. So, I channel Dory and just keep swimming.

Brittany is officially engaged, with a date and everything. December 11th. I still need to talk to the bishop about officiating. The reception will be in our backyard, so we need to pull the dead plants, refinish the deck, and put all the sunset rocks back with the sunsets, and the oceans back with the oceans. Why do my kids feel the need to mix the rock colors?? Brittany has chosen red, black, and white as her colors. I keep picturing the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland. LOL. Kailey will be a bridesmaid, with Tyler's sister, Katie. Both had insisted on being the maid of honor, so neither got to do it. Brittany's girlhood friend, Laura will be the MoH. Drama alert: Tyler's mom asked if we could do two ceremonies, so she didn't have to be in the same place as her ex. Uh, nope. We can only afford one ceremony. You deal. My Tyler will be the flower girl/ ringbearer, since there is no little boy on either side of the family. She will just casually exchange the basket of flower petals for a ring pillow at some point.

I had a emotional breakdown yesterday, and man have I been missing my Opa. He has been gone 2 1/2 years. We are helping the White's paint the Smith house so they can move in next week. It has been a lot of work, and I am tired. I know that is why I just started crying, and had an awful time stopping. We had stopped for lunch, and I was relating how Opa died the month before their 70th wedding anniversary. I was telling Melissa how I somehow ended up in the chair next to his head, holding his hand as he passed. It was such a beautiful experience for me, one I will always treasure. I know he knew as he passed how much I loved him. We ended breaking back to work just so I could compose myself. :D

Off to get ready for church. This 8:30 is killing me.

Well, we did it. Okay, she did it, since it is her hair and her decision. Usually, I am not an impulsive person, and this was no different. We had looked at a friend's facebook and saw that her daughter had had her hair cut off so she could donate it to Locks of Love. Tyler wanted to know all about it, and then said she wanted to do it. I waited a few weeks, just to be sure it is what she really wanted since there is no turning back. The last week, she has been hounding me. LOL. So, there it is. Bill is not too happy with how short it is. But, since he never washed, dried, or the did the dreaded brushing out, he can be unhappy quietly.

Cameryn has decided to keep her hair, and deal with the tangles. :D

Bill and I went to see Jesus Christ, Superstar at the newly refurbished Fox Theater in Riverside. I was amazed at the difference between the Fox Theater of today, and the windowless, weed infested eyesore of the last twenty years or so. In it's heyday, the Fox Theater was a marvel. Gone With the Wind premiered there. Big doings.

Anyway, I have felt relunctant to tell anyone, at church or family functions anyway, how much I love this movie, and it's wonderful soundtrack. Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice did the score, and if I had said I was going to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor dreamcoat by these great composers, no one would bat an eye. But this play is sacrilege. It is a mockery of Christ and his ministry. The only mocking of Christ in the play is by Herod, and if you read your scriptures, Herod Antipas mocked Jesus's ministry in real time too.

As a kid, I heard how outrageous this play/movie was, and had no interest in seeing it. Really, why would I want to watch something that had my mom and my grandparents up in arms so badly?? Why would I want to watch something that had misheard lyrics like these:(skip if you are sensitive to blasphemy) Jesus Christ, Superstar, who in the Hell do you think you are?? It hurt to even write that out.

As an adult,I held on to these beliefs. I had no interest in seeing it, even though Bill loved it and wanted to share it with me. I finally told him why I had no interest, and why I would never see it. He was stunned. He said of all people, I am surprised you are going on uninformed hearsay. I hate that and he knows it. I don't care what your opinion is, as long as it is yours, and not gathered by the panicked ramblings of someone else. For example, I used to know a girl who listened to all sorts fear mongers, including her husband. I used to tell her to read up on her own and not parrot Rush, or Glen. I gave up. Honestly, if she came to me babbling the sky is falling I would 1) believe she really believed it, and 2) fall down laughing. So for me to do the same thing I hated in others was a tough pill to swallow. I agreed to watch it one night with Bill after the kids went to bed. I may be willing to risk my own damnation, but I refused to risk the kids'.

Wow. I loved the music, first off. My favorite song in the whole thing is The Last Supper. There were lighthearted parts, but I think Jesus had a lighter side. Could you imagine always carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?? One line 'Christ, you know I love you, Did you see I waved?' LOL Like waving is proof?? Your good works is a wave?? Funny stuff. Herod was very goofy, and could be construed as mockery, but his song is funny. But, the test, the Title Song. They sing it very fast, but I could hear they were not saying what I had been told they were saying. I was the victim of gossip and was very upset. The line actually goes: Jesus Christ, Superstar, Do you think you're who they say you are?? Totally different, and a question Jesus was asked many times, by his disicples and by those who held his life in their hands. The other one, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, who are you, what have you sacrificed?? Another good question that was asked of Jesus, more than once.

This play, I felt, accurately portrayed what our savior went thru the last week of his life. It was beautiful and I wish I had taken the kids. But you can bet I will be dusting off our DVD copy this weekend. And listening to the soundtrack on the Zune.

I really don't have time for this....

I need to be to someone's house in a few minutes to can my flour, sugar, and salt. I am excited about my emergency preparedness, and want to get it done before something happens.

Tyler's party was a lot of fun. I will post pics soon. I need to assign one person the camera at these fetes so I don't get such disjointed pics. Ugh. 14 shots of one kid in the jumper, and none of her opening gifts?? LOL.

Her baptism is set for the 27th, at 11am at the Dexter bldg. I am so lucky that another mom is so gung ho (it only being her second child) and is willing to set up the program, and print it out. Yay. I want Tyler's day to be special, but I am happy to hand it to someone else to do. :D I am so relieved that this is my last one. It is a lot of work and stress, and I just don't need either right now. :D

On a sad note, the girl I was trying to fellowship back into church has been attacking Tyler. I have defended Ty against these ridiculous accusations but her feelings are hurt. I have been driving the girls to school, and will continue I guess. They don't miss the bus, that is for sure. I don't understand how an adult feels it is okay to attack a child. She even admitted that it 'looked' like Tyler pushed her daughter down the bus steps. She didn't even see it, her older daughter told her. But, when I asked the bus driver, she said nothing like that happened,that the daughter was upset for being reprimanded. When I explained this to the mom, she said I was in denial. LOL. THe bus driver is in a conspiracy with me?? Whatever. I just feel bad that I have to pull completely away for the safety and well being of my kids. I hope she finds what she needs at church and continues to go. I just can't be the one to do it anymore.

Off to shower and arrive late for my appt.

Things change.

Bill and I, like most couples we know, started our lives together on a shoestring. Bill has always been in construction, and we rode ups and downs for many years. Our food budget was always the hardest hit, and I got very creative keeping the kids fed. The day Brittany turned eight, was right after our 15th paycheck. The check on the first went to rent, and food, and that was it. The one on the 15th was more flexible. It went for utilities, food, and whatever extra we absolutely needed. Brittany turned eight on the 19th, right after our check had cleared and I had a few dollars. But, I didn't have a car. So, I loaded 2 year old Hunter and 9 month old Chandler into the stroller, clamped 4yr old Kailey's hand to the stroller, and set off with Brittany and almost 7 yr old Cory to the strip mall 1/2 a mile away. All that was there was a Hallmark store, so we went in. For her birthday she got a copy of the Secret Garden, a cute little statuette, and a couple things of candy. I felt bad that I had to drag her, and she didn't get any surprises. We then wandered thru the grocery store and got a cake mix, some frosting, and decorations.

We walked home. I wanted to cry that I couldn't do better for her. But, she never complained.

Fast forward 12 1/2 years. It is now time for my youngest to turn eight. And how different are our circumstances. We are in no way financially solvent, but we are getting closer every day. We are throwing Tyler a BBQ jumper party. Same thing we did for Cameryn in January. I told Tyler she could pick anything she wanted for her party and that is what she wanted. Bill told me today to rent either a popcorn machine..or a cotton candy machine. We are also taking the kids to Disneyland to celebrate. Now, we have passes, so our put out is just gas. But the contrast is stark in my mind. How I wish I could go back and fix Brittany's eighth birthday, and give her some of Tyler's good fortune.

Maybe a turnaround.

I have been so worried about Cory. Since his release, he has had no motivation. He lived with Bill's nephew for a while, who withheld food unless he did a specific list of things each day. As much as this grated on me, at least he had somewhere to sleep, and almost enough food. Nephew treated Cory as if he were a new recruit and he was the sargent. On top of this, Cory was not to mention church, his scriptures, or anything religion related in his home. Cory was severely yelled at when he stopped on the street to talk to a couple of missionaries. They, of course, were excited to find a member, and invited him to church. Cory was in a lot of trouble for that. We needed to find a new home, and fast.

So, he asked his good friend if he could move in with his family, and he would pay the rent he was giving to Nephew, to them. This family is strong in the gospel, and insisted Cory not only go to church (he was given the choice of the singles ward, or their family ward) but he enrolled in institute and a few college classes. I was happy to pay the rent to her. He called last week, and said he was given a calling. Yay!! He is on the 'Break the Fast' committee. LOL.

But even better. He said the Bishop has been talking to him and wants to ordain him an elder. I asked Cory if he had been completely honest with the bishop as to why he was in the group home and he said he had. OMSTars!! This is so exciting!! Of course, my mind ran ahead and I wondered to Bill if this meant Cory could serve a mission. He is still nineteen, and I think the cut off is 24. Miles away. A mission is a dream I gave up the night the police came. To think it may be possible after all is more than I ever thought possible. A true blessing.

Cory called tonight, and Bill told him my mind had already made the connection. Cory was a little disappointed because he wanted to surprise me with it. I am sorry, Son, but your mama is too excited to wait for the surprise. LOL.

I am giddy.

little of this and that

I have been helping Mom with her house. She has lived in this house 20 years this March. Things need help. Over the years, I have learned a few home improvement things from Bill, so I was able to install a new curtain rod, spackle the holes of the old one, AND spackled the gouges from the recliner in the dining room wall, and then paint and blend it in. I must say,it all looked good. Bill says he is almost ready to hire me. LOL. My big project over there will be painting the trim on the outside of the house. It is the same color as the stucco, and I hate it. Her stucco is a tan, with yellowish undertones, so I think a sage green, or a wedgwood blue would be pretty. Too bad I don't know a painter....oh wait! I do....he just is too busy right now. Shoot.

The repo company lowered Bill's wages. They had given him a higher rate while he got going good, and we were feeling it was just barely enough to get us by, until the county picks up more. Now with them shaving 25% off his take rather than 12, Bill has to do a lot of the work himself rather than piecing it out to his workers. This has made them mad, but what can we do?? I want the county to pick up, but not like last time. We put thousands of our own money into materials with the promise we would be paid in 2-3 weeks, and it took 8 weeks. We just about sunk. If we get enough county work to use profits from the last job to pay for this job, then it will be great. But one every now and then doesn't work.

So far, Bill and the two boys are too sick for church. Bill has been really sick all week, but still went to work every day. Yesterday he spent most of the day in bed, and today will be the same I guess. He has to work tomorrow and all week again, so he may as well get caught up while he can. Kailey is in getting ready to go right now. She hasn't been in months again, so I hope it goes well.

I had better go do what I need to do to be there on time. :D

The bike

Chandler is a whiz on wheels. When he was four, he took Cory's bike, got a stool, climbed up and rode in circles on the back patio til he had it down. He got his first skateboard at 7, is incredibly talented on it, and hopes to be sponsored some day. He hasn't had a bike in a while, after leaving his in the rain and ruining it. Money does not grow on trees. So, he has used his razor scooter and his board for any entertainment.

Lately though, he has wanted to get back into BMXing. He has asked no less than 45, 231 times for a bike for his birthday (in August. Can you imagine my next six months??) This boy has a handle on nagging. Then the neighbor offered him his extra, barely used bike for 50 dollars. There is no way Chan has that kind of money because 1. I only hand out money for extra chores. Extra chores are only allowed after your room, homework, and regular chores are done. and 2, everytime they have a few dollars in their pocket, they run to the store and buy candy, ice cream, or chips. I need to work on this. Anyway, he begged and pleaded and promised that if we bought him an early birthday gift, he would be so helpful and do extra chores to help pay for it. I thought about it for a few days, and finally agreed to pay for the bike and in return he would throw no more temper tantrums and slam his door. He would also do his homework and chores each day before disappearing on it. He quickly agreed, and I know in my heart that none of it will last. But, at least the nagging has ceased....until the next thing he absolutely has to have.

I am starting daycare again, for the same family I moved out from under. They are very particular about who watches their kids, and I know, both being cops, that they checked Bill and I out very thoroughly before allowing me to watch their three little girls. Since I moved six months ago, she has had a rough time. I feel badly, but we had no choice, and she understands that, on all levels. Anyway, I started watching the girls when they were 4, 19 months, and six months. They were just babies, and I got very attached. Having them a minimum of 56 hours a week, and usually closer to 70, I was really their second mommy. Everything Idid, I just dragged them along. The only downside is I never got a nap. :D I had them last weekend while Connie recovered from a bad back. I loved it. They are now almost 6, 3 and 2. Taking them to church was an experience, as we need to leave the house by 8:15 at the latest, and I now had 8 kids to get ready. But, we did it.I realize it was a honeymoon phase, and that the lovey dovey between Tyler and Adrianne will quickly be replaced by their loud frustrations with each other. But, it is all good.

I have also been playing at being a laborer for Bill. There are a lot of advantages to me being his helper. One, he doesn't have to pay me. That is a biggie. We also get to spend a lot of time together. Yesterday he even had me paint, and touch up. It is boring work, but has to be done. Eventually, I would like to be an actual help. :D

My boring life

Happily, I think my life has settled down enough to say "I lead a boring life" Yay!! It has been a long time coming. Unfortunately, this doesn't bode well for blogging. :D

Yesterday, Chandler went around to everyone, saying he didn't want to spend the day in the house, can we go to the mall?? The closest mall is 15 miles away. Bill worked a long week, and was looking forward to a relaxing day, and I was in the middle of cleaning my room. We decided to go ahead and go to the mall. I started hollerin' ....uh....calling for the girls to get their shoes and brush their hair. We are ready to walk out the door, and Chan says "If Hunter isn't going, neither am I" Sheesh. So, since the girls were already pumped and at the door, we went. We had a good time, and I really tried not to think of all I had at home to do.

Brittany and Tyler are coming over today. It was nice having her visit this week. She even invited a friend over one night. She is not telling Tyler that it is Superbowl Sunday. He will refuse to come. Apparently he really hates football. LOL. This is one habit Bill just couldn't kick when he joined the church. I am okay with it since he quit the smoking, and the beer. :D He is thrilled every year we are on the early schedule and he doesn't miss kickoff. But, at least he doesn't chafe to get home on the late schedule. But, boy, does that TV come on as soon as we walk in the door. :/

Anyway, we are having hot wings, chili cheese dip, and candy for each time your team scores. The kids always hope for high scorers.

Off to get ready for church

Another new blog.

I miss the outlet blogging allows. I miss being able to type out my feelings, and then moving forward with whatever decision I have made. But, alas, my other blog is locking me out due to lack of attention. When it is done with it's temper fit, maybe I can properly remember it's password. LOL.

We are in the new house, new ward, new schools. We have been here five months now, and things have really settled down for us. Kailey is doing well, if you don't count her grades. I have no idea why she just doesn't care. The only passion I have seen from her over school involves not wanting to retake the CAHSEE, and who is dating who this week.

Bill's business is doing okay. I am waiting for the day when our income is more than the taxes, payroll, materials and insurances it takes to do the job. As the county jobs increase we will be doing better.

Hunter is having a few difficulties adjusting. I am thinking he wanted to impress his new friends with how cool he can be, and is losing sight of what is important in the meantime. He is on track for grade 8 1/2. It is a special program to integrate him into high school, on the high school campus, but he won't be allowed any of the fun of high school til he shows an improvement. Alas, Chandler will be right there with him. Sigh. I have no idea what derailed these kids. They all got decent grades as small kids, and now... Cameryn and Tyler both do well. I hope I can keep them motivated for good grades.

So, Bill has been doing 2-3 repo houses a week. This keeps him,two journeymen, and two laborers busy. He usually can take off one or two days a week for important stuff...lunch out, grocery shopping, and urgent trips to WalMart. So, we invited Brittany to come stay a few days while her SO is out of state working. She came yesterday, and her and the kids had a good time bonding. She brought her sewing machine, and really impressed them with her mad skillz. I have no idea where she got it because I hate to sew....and I don't think I have touched one in over 30 years. Anyway, one of his journeyman pulled a dummy yesterday, and fell off a ladder.He had secured it on a drop cloth...and it slid down the wall, with him still on it. He called in today. This journeyman's laborer was hired because he is the husband of a good friend of mine, and he was desperate for work..the first day or two. He has been late, left early, or hasn't shown five of the eight days Bill scheduled him. This morning it was definite that he really didn't want to work. He told Bill he wanted more hours, and Bill told him he had to show dependability first. He is more desperate for a paycheck, and I refuse to just hand those out willy nilly. So two guys down. He then asks Brittany to come join him. Sigh. There go my plans for hanging out together today. Bill is very apologetic, but it can't be helped. We are again looking for employees. Where do you find the guys who want the paycheck, but are willing to work for it?? Okay, I concede, painting sucks. But, it can pay the bills, and dare I say, become a career. We have never been rich, but we have never missed a meal, either.

This is the first time Brittany has spent time with us, since her unseen departure almost two years ago. I am taking baby steps. Her SO will be out of town off an on for the next six months. This bodes well for their financial situation, and maybe more visits for us. She said this morning that if needed, she would be happy to work with Dad more often, and just stay with us while Tyler is in Colorado. I didn't want to scare her off with my exuberant cheering....so I waited til I was alone in the bathroom. :D Tonight we grill another tritip roast in her honor. She has never tasted our own little bit of Heaven. I think she will like it.

I love no sugar added Klondike ice cream sandwiches. I can set it down and it doesn't melt all over the paper towel. Plus, it tastes good. Since I delivered Tyler seven years, 11 months ago, I have dropped 48 pounds, with 32 in the last 18 months or so. Talk about slow and steady wins the race. LOL I do notice that most of that weight was after my diabetes diagnosis. Maybe, I can lose more, and totally get rid of the diabetes?? Wouldn't that be so cool?? I still have bad days where I swear the sugars are stewing my brains, and coherent thought is a pipedream.My tummy hurts, and I ust feel like crap all around. But they are becoming fewer and further between.

I am no longer employed, and I see it as a blessing. I was working for the same repo company that Bill paints for. I would go in when the house was totally remodeled, and clean it. In the beginning I had issues as I got into my rhythm. But once I did, I was told I was one of their better, more dependable cleaners, and I rarely got call backs. I started in August, right after we moved here. The middle of December I got a call back. I was surprised, and when I got out there, I had forgotten to take down the ceiling fixtures and clean them. Sometimes I just can't see very well and it wasn't til I climbed up on the ladder that I saw they were actually very dirty. I was embarrassed, and vowed to do better. Soon, I was getting a complaint on every other house. I was so perplexed, because I was doing everything I had been doing all along. What was going on?? The week between Christmas and new year, Bill came to help me with a house to boost my confidence. I was feeling rather low at this point. It was raining that day, and in my contract it states I don't have to do the outside windows in the rain. I sent Cory out to do them anyway, much to his chagrin. Bill and I scrubbed the rest of the house (Cory is sloooow) and when we left, we agreed it looked really good. Yeah, I got a complaint. Debris on the floor and the windows looked terrible. Bill and I were both so baffled. I went out a few days later, cleaned the windows again(totally more effective in the sunshine) and swept up a cup of dead roaches. I called boss in Arizona and told him the only debris I could find were the dead bugs, and as we had cleaned them up originally, I absolutely had no control of more coming out and dying. He agreed, and said I was doing a bang up job, keep it up. The next house was perfect. It was old and tiny, and I spent four hours cleaning the wall heater. Yuck. But the next one I tried to clean with the painter there. Bill works for one project manager, Dennis, and I had four, Dennis, Brent, Neal, and Russ. This was Neal's house, and he was rather laid back on keeping to the schedule. I was frustrated because as I clean I mentally lock off each room and do not enter them at all. And this big galoot was walking on my freshly mopped/vaccuumed floors. I complained, made Neal mad, and he told Chris, my boss in AZ, that he did NOT want me on any more of his houses. The next house was built in 1904, and had at some point, homeowners who didn't care. I used goo be gone on the stone tile in the kitchen, spraying and scraping on my hands and knees for hours. Chris called said Brent complained, and I just lost it. I sat and cried, and called Bill. He was as confused as I was because I had been doing so well, and he didn't see what I was doing to get so many complaints all the sudden. After crying (tears do not act as a good cleaner) and scraping for another hour, I called Chris back. I told him I was done. I was apparently not cut out to clean houses, and even though I gave it my best shot, I couldn't do it. Part of the problem too, was they kept assigning more than one house in a day. With an hour travel at least, and four-six hours on each house, this was killing me. He said he was glad I called, because he was trying to build the nerve to call me and tell me it wasn't working. So, basically I quit right before I could be fired. I called Bill back, told him I had quit, and he was quiet. We depend on every dime right now. I knew he was upset, but not at me. More at the situation which neither of us understood at the time. Bill was praying on the way home as to what we should do now, and how are we going to make it?? He got a very strong impression telling him that "Now she can be a mom" He felt such peace, and knew me quitting was the right thing. It certainly explains why all the sudden I couldn't do it. :D

Off to take care of my two sick little girls. Hopefully Cameryn's tummy ache will go away soon. She has had it for three days now. Tyler's is just sympathy pains. :D