Sometimes I feel as I am not learning what I should be learning, so I go thru the same trials over and over. And over. Maybe this time it really wasn't me, as Bill keeps trying to convince me of.
Kailey has always been my most difficult child. She has confessed a few times that she really wishes she were an only child...or at least the oldest, or if she has to, the youngest. But #3 out of 7 just sucks for her. Well, since I didn't plan it that way, and I honestly did not set out to ruin her life, I just basically ignored her complaints. She has always had a short temper, and flinging hurtful insults to me, or her dad, or the other kids just never seemed to bother her.
We took her phone away last month as I was tired of her being so snotty to me over everything. This is the only way to get any results out of her and we usually enjoy a few weeks of pleasant behavior in exchange for her phone back. This time, it didn't happen that way. She asked for it, cried for it, demanded it, and tried guilt tactics with me. You'll be happy to hear I was not swayed by any of it and kept reminding her that all it took to get her phone back was to be respectful, and helpful. She accused me of expecting perfection, and I told her a phone is a privilige, not a right. She also thought what I asked was too much, and wanted me to lower the bar. A few times she yelled that to get respect you must give it. I honestly don't know how she figured we weren't respecting her. So, no effort was made to give it back, and I got to a point where I didn't care. I started counting the days til she was 18 and I could demand she conform or find somewhere else to live. Sad, eh?
Last Wednesday (two weeks tomorrow) we went to Disneyland, and decided to rent a hotel room and stay til Thursday. We rented a suite that sleeps 8 and got all we needed together. At the last minute, Kailey decided she didn't want to go with us. This was fine with me as we were still dealing with her bad attitude, and more fun would be had if we didn't have to walk over eggshells the whole trip. We had a good two days, with only one call saying 1) she regretted not coming and could we come get her (no.)and she accidently dialed 911 and the cops came to the door. Nice.
So, we get home and the first thing we notice is she had busted our bedroom door in. She blamed the dog. But, the inner workings of the knob were bent, attesting to her repeated kicks to get in. We had nothing in there but our personal things. We don't keep money in the house. I noticed my shampoo missing. She has been demanding decent shampoo and I don't feel the need to buy her anything but Suave since she refuses to help, or to be nice. I had bought myself some Pantene, and hid it in a Suave bottle, and the extra hid under my sink behind stuff. She found it and took it. I went into her room, and asked for it back. She got all indignant that I had lied to her. Oh, no!! I LIED!! I told her I didn't have a choice, because if you had known you would have taken it JUST LIKE YOU DID. Imagine that. She started yelling about the whole thing and I didn't give it the attention she felt it deserved. I told her to knock it off, that I didn't want to hear it. She then yelled "I hate YOU!! I hate living here!! I hate everyone in this house!!!" I said then "There is the door" By this time I had had it. I lost my temper, and I regret saying that.
She marched down the stairs yelling, and I told her to get some shoes on. At this point she wasn't going to listen to anything I said and left barefoot. She walked to her friends house two miles away. That is true stubbornness.
This was Friday afternoon, and I knew friend's mother would not let her stay long. We expected her to come home Sunday morning, while we were in church. Bill stayed home, just in case, and sure enough she showed up. He tried to talk to her, but she was still in a mood and refused to acknowledge anything he said. She left, and showed up later that night, with her BFF from Riverside in tow. She had called her and said I busted in during her shower and demanded she get her stuff and get out, out of nowhere. Really?? But it got what she wanted. She has wanted to live with this family for years, and has asked repeatedly, to the mom saying no. She even asked when we moved down here last year, and the mom told her she was too much trouble. What happened in a year to change her mind?? When we talked to the mom, she said that she couldn't bear the thought of Kailey out on the street. Um, we never kicked her out. I was mad over her total disrespect, but she still has a home.
Kailey still refuses to talk to us. She is wearing her righteous indignation like a cloak and has gone around our old ward telling everyone what lousy parents we are. BTDT. I am upset again, just like last year when ex friend thought she could do better with Kailey than I could, and it degenerated into hatred and name calling in five weeks. Now, BFF's mom thinks she can save Kailey. Save her from what?? A life of indulgence and no chores?? Oh, please. Give it your best shot, I am betting you will kick her out once the honeymoon is over. That is why I made sure she knew that Kailey still has a home here. Things will be different, but she has a home.
Which leads me to a pet peeve of mine. NO adult should ever interfere with parents and their child if child is safe, and not in any danger. It is not your business how I deal with my disrespectful, spoiled daughter. Pet peeve #2 Our family distress is not for you to tell everyone you see. I did not appreciate your eight year old telling me he knew Kailey ran away, and was never coming home. She did not 'run away', she moved out.