Thanksgiving...and other nightmares.

Nah, Thanksgiving turned out great. I didn't have to host, and Karen is an awesome cook. She does not like travelling on holidays, and since I don't mind, she hosts more often than not. :D I took a salami/cheese/olive tray, with Ritz, a pumpkin cake, and the yams. She hates yams, and won't make them. I have a healthy dislike for the yams of my childhood, and only eat a bite or two. But Bill and the kids love them. I do think it is all in the preparation. But, Karen won't even taste them. No biggie, as I brought back an empty bowl anyway. It was good to see all five of her kids. With six of mine, and the grandparents and assorted spouses/SO's/and friends we had a houseful. I wish Brittany would have been there, but they went to Tyler's family's meal. No problem, but I missed her. Tyler is extremely shy, and big gatherings give him hives. :D

Nightmare one is this wedding. I couldn't sleep last night with the stress. My way of dealing with things I am not sure of is just to hide and pretend it doesn't exist. Not too good when things have to be done. But, I don't have the money for the things I need, and the wedding is two weeks from tomorrow. We are close, thanks to friends, but I will be so happy when this nightmare is over.

Nightmare two is Christmas. If I can't afford to get what I need for a wedding, how will I ever pay for gifts?

Nightmare 3 is the move we are facing. We were planning on renting Grandma's mobil home, since the doctor said she cannot live alone anymore, and Mom said the mobil would just stand empty. The original plan had been for us to move in with Grandma, and I take care of her. But, when she got so sick, and was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, Mom decided that it was time for Grandma to move in with her permanantly, and rent the house to us. Grandma got better( she had a UTI which put her in the hospital, and the infection made her dementia worse) and was more coherent, and decided she wanted to live in her house. She is determined. So, common sense would tell you what?? that we would go back to plan A, and we move in and take care of Grandma?? Nothing has changed at our end, and we are still financially desperate. But, no, Mom instead said that Karen's youngest, Emily, would move in and take care of Grandma. WHAT??!! Emily is sixteen and has a home. Again, Pam's needs are just ignored. I hate to sound like the whiny victim, but really?? It is like TG last year, when Karen had to work at the last minute because someone ended up in the hospital, and I called mom and said we would just move it to my house, and she said No, she was going to Monica's and we weren't invited. Last minute, mind you, I was running to the store to buy TG dinner for Bill and I and the kids. And nursing hurt feelings for being thrown over like that.

A friend recently asked me if I was adopted, because I am so different in my thinking from my family's. If I didn't look just like the rest of them, I would wonder.

So, we are desperately looking for somewhere to live, cheaply. The big selling point with Grandma's is there would be no deposit. We would just start paying rent in January. This has just thrown a wrench in everything.

Nightmare 4. Kailey spending time with us. I guess she felt it okay to just let her hair down or something. She snapped early and often. By the time she left I was relieved. She kept putting inappropriate things on TV and then yelling at me that she is not 10 years old. No you are not, but I will not have Tosh.O, or the Kardashians on with Cameryn and Tyler watching. I think it is a respect issue, and she just doesn't care. She stole a few things out of my room again. She was demanding of everyone. Then, the topper, was she told Bill that she had told foster mom Sonia how she hates spaghetti, because as a kid we had it three or four times a week, and always just plain, no meat. Bill was angry. He told her that I hate spaghetti (always have) and he has to beg me for it, and the only way I can tolerate is to make a meat sauce, with three pounds of hamburger, and one pound of sausage. We went years without it because I hate it so much. So, she is trying to convince Bill that this made up memory is true, and Cory pipes in from the back seat saying he remembers it. Cory is the king of false memories. And they are never good. He never says "Hey, remember when Mom let us eat candy three meals a day for a week?? or the time Dad took us to Home Depot and let us climb in the rafters?? No, it always paints us in the worst light. Cory one time said "Remember when you broke a brush spanking me, Mom??" That was a story I had told Bill one time that happened to my brother, John, and Cory adopted it as his own. So, now I scarred them with spaghetti three or four times a week.

Sometimes, I just want to quit.

Whatever you do...don't ask if it can get worse!

You'd think I would know this by now. :D Obviously not. Things are rough in the Pacheco house right now. You have heard that they are staying most foreclosures because the banks weren't letting struggling homeowners know that they might be eligible to refinance their loans. So, while they look into this, repos will stop for a period of 60-90 days. This actually means closer to six months. For those who are struggling to make their mortgage payments in this economy this is excellent news! But, for those of us who make our living off remodeling repos so the banks can sell them, it is staggering news. Things are already sluggish, and this makes it worse.

But, before things grind to a halt, the banks are pushing thru twice as many. Bill is hopping and it is false hope to think it will last. We have arrangements made in the event we have to move (which it is seriously looking that way). We hope to catch up, and maybe get a little ahead before work stops.

So, last Thursday, we went to a job in Colton. On our way home, the transmission gave up the ghost. We are flying along, and all the sudden the accelerator is useless. There is nothing. We pull over to the side of the road, and wonder what to do now?? It has been a long time since we have been stranded on the highway. We call my parents, who call Triple A, and we get us and the car home. But, now, Bill needs to use my car to go to work, leaving me with nothing. We are so broke right now that we are thinking of maybe just calling the junk man to come get Bill's car. But, it has a dang good engine, and I hate losing it, so maybe we will park it, and fix it in a few months.

The problem with this is: we live in a semi rural town. I have four kids going to four different schools. I spend an hour and a half each day doing pickups, and that is just three of them. Cameryn walks with the neighbor to the middle school which is just a few blocks away. Chandler goes across town to Temescal, Hunter at Lakeside, and Tyler up at Rice Canyon. So, this week, I have scrambled to find rides for the kids. Chandler was my biggest worry. There is no way for him to get home except to get a ride. There are two ways home, and both are really dangerous. A mixup at the school yesterday had him trying to walk home, and Mindy found him at the corner of Riverside and Collier, no crosswalks or anything, and him stressing trying to figure out how to cross. I am so grateful for friends who have helped me this week.

Meanwhile, I asked Mom if I could borrow Grandma's van for a few weeks until we could fix the Pathfinder. Grandma can no longer drive, and the van is used as backup when my mom doesn't want to put the miles on her car. She said due to family drama the last time I rented it, she couldn't let me take it again. I was alittle hurt, as I am desperate and would never ask otherwise. Plus, I have bent over backwards to help my grandparents in the last five years, and never asked for anything in return. Not really fair to pull that card, as we do service out of love, not for what we can gain, but as I said, I was hurt. Did I mention I was also desperate?? So, Grandma came back and said she would pay either for the Pathfinder to be fixed, or another pickup for Bill to have. We could pay her back later. I was so relieved by this, I almost cried. So, the Pathfinder will be ready today, or early tomorrow. I am so glad.

So, we go to an open house at the Bishop's house Saturday night, and while there, I mention to a friend "It can't get any worse!" Yeah, never say that. We got home that night, and as we were getting ready for bed, I slipped on the stairs and twisted my ankle. The pain was incredible, and my yelling brought the whole family. How embarrassing. I laid there until the pain subsided, and crawled to the couch where I have been since. It is doing a lot better, but I still can't walk on it, and I really doubt I can drive. So, my goal is to be self sufficient by Monday. Bill is not to confident with this goal, as he has seen me hobble around. It is odd that my balance is all the sudden really bad, and I have fallen on the crutches a few times. Luckily, I have been by the couch each time and just plop down. I had a blessing last night, so I hope I am better soon.

a job

I have been looking for some sort of work for a while now. Something that can bring in a little extra income to take some of the pressure off Bill. I have worked for him, stripping the masking out of houses when they are done painting, but that just saves him a few dollars...doesn't really bring anything in. I have tried selling stuff on Craig'slist, to what my kids would call an 'epic fail'. I even put it out there that I would do daycare again. In this economy, finding an income is rough.

So, being the RS Secretary, most mass emails go thru me. I was sent one that was looking for someone to work part time, flexible hours. I read it, noticed it said good eyesight, and got it ready to send out to the ward. A few days later, RS President calls and asked if I applied for the job. Uh, no....I am sure there is someone in the ward more desperate than me. She said So What. They have had three days, call him and see if the job is still available. So I did...and it was. I had a job. Bill was over the moon. Anything I can do to relieve some of his burden, and make him that happy, I will. :D

So, I started work last week. I work in a shop where we put together electronic kits for schools. Resistor pins, circuit boards, speakers, wired buttons, the like. With it, kids can make all sorts of interesting stuff. From the common crystal radio, to the unique lie detector and burglar alarm. We assemble these kits, and ship them all over. There is enough variety that I don't get bored, but not enough to overwhelm me. At my age, I need all the help I can get. :D

THere has been a kid working there, alone, for the last few months. He was behind on jobs, and spending long hours, alone, assembling kits. Alone. I would go crazy. Within the first week, we were caught up. While this is great for business, it does not bode well for my hours. I kinda shot myself in the foot. The secretary called me Wednesday, and basically laid me off (yes, after eight days). To say I was upset is an understatement. Worse, how would I tell Bill?? She said she would call each day to let me know of work. Not what I was hoping for. By the time she calls, I lose an hour. I have to get off by two to get kids. Starting at nine was great. She calls by 9:45, and I can be there by 10. Ugh.

So, I am thinking I am off yesterday, the first day of my lay off. Nope, she calls. A customer called her, angry, because she ordered 250 kits back in August, and they never came. Most orders are 30 pieces. 250 is a huge order. So, we hustled.....and did 150, plus the rest of the orders that came in. If I work today, I will help with the other 100. If not, Kid is on his own, and it won't get out til Monday at least. I am thinking she will call today. :D

three months...and counting

The wedding is in three months. Yikes. We have the building locked down, and the bishop has promised not to go anywhere that weekend. We have a second choice, just in case the same thing that happened to Bill and I doesn't happen again. Our bishop's mom died days before our wedding leaving us scrambling at the last minute for someone. LOL. Some guy I had never seen before, or since, married us. Our second choice was just released as bishop, so I am not sure he can even do a wedding...anyone know??

The wedding is at 10 am. We are inviting 75 people. Brittany only wants certain cousins. I am stepping out of that one. We are having a brunch/luncheon. For some reason, Britt wants quiche. She hates eggs, yet knows this is an egg pie. ?? Tyler has never had it either. Why try something out on your wedding meal?? So, I enlisted the help of the RS. We will make chicken salad for croissants, and egg casseroles with fruit and muffins to round it out. I guess there is a sister in the ward who makes a wonderful quiche, so I will have her make one just for Brittany and Tyler. The rest of us can eat everything else. Bill thinks this is rude, but I don't. You only (hopefully) get married once, and it is their day. Anyone have an issue, deal with it. :D

Speaking of issues....Tyler's mom refuses to come to the wedding, and wants us to put on a second ceremony just for her. Um, no. She does not want to be there with Tyler's dad. I think it is her guilt speaking for she cheated on him, and then left with her boyfriend while he was trying to deal with the cheating. He is very pleasant, and only wished the best for her. Why she is causing drama is beyond me. I told Brittany that if her future FIL was abusive or something, then I could see it. So, she either comes, or she doesn't. But she will miss the opportunity to see her only son married. I don't get the mindset that would think that was okay.

Also, neither Tyler nor Brittany have a job. Ugh. Bill and I are picking up most of the tab. I am so glad the church, and the bishop are free. With the RS help on food, that is a big deal too. But, what about her dress?? The bridesmaids dresses?? They should pay themselves, but Kailey and Cameryn are both bridesmaids. The boys need black pants, black shirts and red ties. If I have the money, I need a dress too. Maybe I can salvage my black skirt (the one I lost weight, and can't wear anymore) and buy a red blouse.

I just see the dollar signs clicking. I want to contact Tyler's mom and ask if she can do anything to help financially. Is that tacky?? Her daughter, Ty's sister, is a bridesmaid, too.

On top of the Cory stress, the Kailey stress, normal everyday stresses of a big family, and a floundering business, I have wedding stresses. Can you just run to Vegas like everyone else?? LOL. Aunt Michele knows a great Elvis impersonator who will marry you....just a thought.

A Laurel and Hardy experience

Service is so ingrained, that when the opportunity arises, you don't even think of it as service til later. Someone needs help, and you do what you can to help. Simple, yes?? sometimes. LOL.

Back story: I have been sick all week. I am feeling better, but I have a raspy hacking cough. I took supplies to alleviate any coughing spells I might have. Armed with water, dayquil, and hard candies, I thought I took sufficient precautions to be quiet in Sacrament Meeting. I wish I had remembered to turn my phone off... I wanted to stay home, but felt really strong I should go.

During Sunday School I remembered that I had forgotten the attendance binders at home. I debated running home (15 minutes each way) or send Bill. I sent Bill. He should have been back right about the time RS started, and no one would have been the wiser. Yeah. It sounds good in theory. I was pacing, not daring to go in unless I had them. Yes, I know, one week without checking the little box is not going to mess up my numbers. Waiting....waiting....where could he be?? I went in finally without them. Confessed during opening song that I did not have them. Soon I heard my name really loudly whispered. LOL. I have a guess who that was, and turned to see Bill at the door. Finally. I went out, got the binders, and ran the one to Primary. On my way back the other way, Ellen came out of the RS room. Leaving is so not like her, and as she has been looking frail lately, I was immediately worried. I asked her what was wrong, and she gasped out that she was out of air, and was heading to the church phone to call her husband. We still have those?? I thought they took them all out at the hands of the deacons, and since cell phones were so prevalent. I told her Bill was up the hall, she could sit down, and we would use his phone to call her husband to come get her.

I find Bill, and hand Ellen the phone. Here is where I really drop the ball. I walk away...AWAY from a lady gasping for air, and who has never used a cell phone. Can you top THAT idiocy?? By this time Ellen is a gray/green color, and we decide to drive her home rather than waiting for husband to get there, and taking double the time. I am thinking every moment is precious at this point. We probably should have just called 911. Duh.

Our car is dirty. When isn't it?? Five kids, all their stuff. I keep thinking I need to clean it, so hop up in there Ellen. Ugh. We get her in, and of course, our A/C hasn't worked in months. The car is hot, airless, and I am loading her walker in the other side. She is gasping for the window to be rolled down, and I told Bill to drive so we can get some air in her face. I am so scared. Oh, during all this, she is upset she has lost her hymnal with her name in it. She needs it this week as she is planning her funeral, and wants to make sure John G has the songs he needs. What??!!! I hurriedly asked the Bishop if we might steal/borrow one, so she doesn't get agitated about it.

On the way I tried to call her husband, only to find out that between Wells Fargo calling during Sacrament Meeting, and now, T-Mobil has suspended our service. Really?? I call 611 and go thru the automated steps to pay the bill and get service. It is imperitive we get a hold of her husband, Bob, because he has the clicker to open the gate. Service on, call again, no answer from Bob. We pull up in front of her house, I am in a panic, and it is locked up like Fort Knox, and she says No wonder!! Bob is not home!! Gate clicker is in house. I am looking to see how possible scaling her fence would be when she says the walk in gate is unlocked. Her yard looks like the White house lawn at this point, and I honestly can't see how she is going to walk up to the house. She tells me that the car would fit thru the walk in gate so I jump out to open it. Bill drives in, across her grass, and up to the front door. She is worried about getting her stuff out of our car, and I am more concerned getting her in the house and hooked up to her perma tank. NOW. We finally get in and she gets her nebula in, and I can finally breathe myself. By this point she is shaking and I make her sit down by me.As her color comes back, she stops shaking, and it is Ellen again. I wanted to cry in relief.

I am grateful we were able to help. I am sure someone else would not have had the issues that we did. LOL. But, at the end of the day, Ellen is okay, and I hope she will be around for a long time. I love that lady, with her sharp wit, and her gentle spirit.

Drama....again..

Sometimes I feel as I am not learning what I should be learning, so I go thru the same trials over and over. And over. Maybe this time it really wasn't me, as Bill keeps trying to convince me of.

Kailey has always been my most difficult child. She has confessed a few times that she really wishes she were an only child...or at least the oldest, or if she has to, the youngest. But #3 out of 7 just sucks for her. Well, since I didn't plan it that way, and I honestly did not set out to ruin her life, I just basically ignored her complaints. She has always had a short temper, and flinging hurtful insults to me, or her dad, or the other kids just never seemed to bother her.

We took her phone away last month as I was tired of her being so snotty to me over everything. This is the only way to get any results out of her and we usually enjoy a few weeks of pleasant behavior in exchange for her phone back. This time, it didn't happen that way. She asked for it, cried for it, demanded it, and tried guilt tactics with me. You'll be happy to hear I was not swayed by any of it and kept reminding her that all it took to get her phone back was to be respectful, and helpful. She accused me of expecting perfection, and I told her a phone is a privilige, not a right. She also thought what I asked was too much, and wanted me to lower the bar. A few times she yelled that to get respect you must give it. I honestly don't know how she figured we weren't respecting her. So, no effort was made to give it back, and I got to a point where I didn't care. I started counting the days til she was 18 and I could demand she conform or find somewhere else to live. Sad, eh?

Last Wednesday (two weeks tomorrow) we went to Disneyland, and decided to rent a hotel room and stay til Thursday. We rented a suite that sleeps 8 and got all we needed together. At the last minute, Kailey decided she didn't want to go with us. This was fine with me as we were still dealing with her bad attitude, and more fun would be had if we didn't have to walk over eggshells the whole trip. We had a good two days, with only one call saying 1) she regretted not coming and could we come get her (no.)and she accidently dialed 911 and the cops came to the door. Nice.

So, we get home and the first thing we notice is she had busted our bedroom door in. She blamed the dog. But, the inner workings of the knob were bent, attesting to her repeated kicks to get in. We had nothing in there but our personal things. We don't keep money in the house. I noticed my shampoo missing. She has been demanding decent shampoo and I don't feel the need to buy her anything but Suave since she refuses to help, or to be nice. I had bought myself some Pantene, and hid it in a Suave bottle, and the extra hid under my sink behind stuff. She found it and took it. I went into her room, and asked for it back. She got all indignant that I had lied to her. Oh, no!! I LIED!! I told her I didn't have a choice, because if you had known you would have taken it JUST LIKE YOU DID. Imagine that. She started yelling about the whole thing and I didn't give it the attention she felt it deserved. I told her to knock it off, that I didn't want to hear it. She then yelled "I hate YOU!! I hate living here!! I hate everyone in this house!!!" I said then "There is the door" By this time I had had it. I lost my temper, and I regret saying that.

She marched down the stairs yelling, and I told her to get some shoes on. At this point she wasn't going to listen to anything I said and left barefoot. She walked to her friends house two miles away. That is true stubbornness.

This was Friday afternoon, and I knew friend's mother would not let her stay long. We expected her to come home Sunday morning, while we were in church. Bill stayed home, just in case, and sure enough she showed up. He tried to talk to her, but she was still in a mood and refused to acknowledge anything he said. She left, and showed up later that night, with her BFF from Riverside in tow. She had called her and said I busted in during her shower and demanded she get her stuff and get out, out of nowhere. Really?? But it got what she wanted. She has wanted to live with this family for years, and has asked repeatedly, to the mom saying no. She even asked when we moved down here last year, and the mom told her she was too much trouble. What happened in a year to change her mind?? When we talked to the mom, she said that she couldn't bear the thought of Kailey out on the street. Um, we never kicked her out. I was mad over her total disrespect, but she still has a home.

Kailey still refuses to talk to us. She is wearing her righteous indignation like a cloak and has gone around our old ward telling everyone what lousy parents we are. BTDT. I am upset again, just like last year when ex friend thought she could do better with Kailey than I could, and it degenerated into hatred and name calling in five weeks. Now, BFF's mom thinks she can save Kailey. Save her from what?? A life of indulgence and no chores?? Oh, please. Give it your best shot, I am betting you will kick her out once the honeymoon is over. That is why I made sure she knew that Kailey still has a home here. Things will be different, but she has a home.

Which leads me to a pet peeve of mine. NO adult should ever interfere with parents and their child if child is safe, and not in any danger. It is not your business how I deal with my disrespectful, spoiled daughter. Pet peeve #2 Our family distress is not for you to tell everyone you see. I did not appreciate your eight year old telling me he knew Kailey ran away, and was never coming home. She did not 'run away', she moved out.

Back to the world of the literate.

For a while I couldn't type, so I was essentially illiterate?? Reminds me of the joke I haven't used in forever whenever someone in a teaching capacity would ask me to read aloud to the class and I would respond by insisting I couldn't as I was illigitimate. I am sure my mom would not get the joke. :D

Anyway, new tower and new keyboard. Costco has such great deals. I love it. I also love that Costco is so close. In Riverside, the Costco was in Corona, and you had to wade thru some of the worst traffic on McKinley that you will find in the IE. And, me being very advanced in years, remember when McKinley ended at the freeway, and it was a cow farm. All that was there at the 91 and McKinley was the Shell station. Now I swear millions feed thru there daily. Really.

Anyway, back to my topic....uh....what was my topic?? LOL. Just typing by the seat of my pants again.

Brittany's wedding is four months away. I haven't done anything yet. But, so far, I am only in charge of the luncheon. I can do this. RS President Melissa has already offered the RS help. Not that they know that yet. It is nice to have a calling where everyone knows you, and may want to help. I am getting nervous for the day though, and hoping it goes off smoothly. Crossing my fingers, toes, eyes, and the street it goes well.

We went to the temple the other day to celebrate Arik's 17th birthday, and to have his work started. We can't have him sealed to my parents until Dad comes back to the temple or he passes. My mom has already painfully extracted a promise that if she goes first, I will make sure it happens. Anyway, we went to do his endowments. The neat thing, and I know I have already touched on this, is Bill blessed him when he was adopted at three. Bill confirmed him a member after (ex) Uncle Scott baptized him. Bill ordained him a deacon, and a teacher. Bill then dedicated his grave, and now has gone thru the temple for him. Mom and I planned this back in March, as the one year requisite wait was over in mid January. Work was slow, so we said this friday, next friday, how about the following wednesday. We finally nailed something down in June. We are fast movers, can you tell?? In June, Bill had a huge county job that we had prayed for, and he had to do...but again, the temple was pushed back. During this time, Bill was not feeling too worthy to be the one to do Arik's work. He had had resentful feelings and now was feeling guilty that Arik would not appreciate Bill's efforts, and would possibly prefer someone else altogether to do the ordinances. So he didn't really make any effort to help us when we were trying to nail down a date to go. I finally told Mom that since August 20th was just around the corner, let's etch it in stone, and no backing out unless someone came down with the plague, or moved to Utah or something impossible like that. As the day got closer, and I tried making arrangements for kids who had started school the week before, I had no idea Bill was feeling this way.

I am not sure how much of this story to tell, as I have not told my mom any of it yet. She needs to hear it, but it needs to be told carefully, and I will explain in a bit.

So, it all barely works out, and we head to San Diego before the sun on Friday. I forgot to remind Bill about the first ordinance he needed to do for Arik. He went in and got dressed, and sat to wait for us. We were going in the nine oclock session, and he was dressed and ready to go by 7:45 and waiting in the session lobby for us. Meanwhile, we are doing initiatories, and watching the time so we are not late. Bill is reflecting on his life, Arik's life, and how they intersected, and things he may have done differently. Let me say, Bill is a good man, and kids just seem to really like him, and Arik was no different. Bill included him every chance he got. He knew what it felt like to be the only kid, and Arik loved going on our outings with us. I honestly feel Bill had NOTHING to feel regret for, but he felt he did. While sitting there, he was overwhelmed with missing Arik, and the love he has for him. And he got the all encompassing feeling of love from Arik. He knew he was there, and he started to cry. My big bear of a husband is actually quite tender. He looked up, and Arik was standing there, smiling his trademark goofy grin. Right about this time he remembered the forgotten ordinances, but got the strong feeling it was okay, and he could stay with Arik. He said it lasted about five minutes before Arik left. Bill was so grateful for such a wonderful experience.

He wants Mom to know, but we are working on a way to tell her. My aunt, and my mom's younger sister, Sharon, lost her son to an overdose when he was 24. I think in 2006. Yeah, had to be since he was born in 1982. Anyway, he has come to see her a few times, and she kinda makes a big deal out of it and makes my mom feel like Arik doesn't love her as much as Adrian loves his mom. Everything is a competition with her. So, to tell my mom that Arik came to Bill is a really touchy subject. So, if you see Mom, keep it mum til Bill can tell her.